Tag: joke

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Yo Mama – Jokes list part 2:

Yo momma so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.

Yo mama glasses are so thick – when i take a look on a map through them, i can see people waving.

Yo mama glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

Yo momma is so ugly she turned Medusa into stone.

Yo momma so stupid she stuck a battery up her ass and said, “I GOT THE POWER!”

Yo momma is so hairy, when she went to the movie theater to see Star Wars,
everybody screamed and said, “IT’S CHEWBACCA!”

Yo mamma is so fat she doesn’t need the internet, because she’s already world wide.

Yo momma is so fat she sat on the rainbow and Skittles came out.

Yo mama’s so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.

Yo mama’s so fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND the house.

Yo mama’s so fat, her car has stretch marks.

Yo mama’s so fat, if she was a Star Wars character, her name would be Admiral Snackbar.

Yo mama’s so stupid, when they said, “Order in the court,” she asked for fries and a shake.

Yo mama’s so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it ..

Yo mama’s so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she got locked in the grocery store and starved to death.

Yo mama’s so stupid, when I said, “Drinks on the house,” she got a ladder.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

Yo mama’s so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

Yo mama’s so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.

Yo mama’s so ugly, when she was little, she had to trick-or-treat by phone.

Yo mama’s so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

Yo mama’s so lazy, she stuck her nose out the window and let the wind blow it.

Yo mama’s so depressing, blues singers come to visit her when they’ve got writer’s block.

Yo mama’s so short, you can see her feet on her driver’s license.

Yo mama’s so poor, she can’t even afford to pay attention.

Yo mama’s so nasty, they used to call them jumpolines ’til yo mama bounced on one.

Yo mama’s so ugly, she looked out the window and was arrested for mooning. 

Yo mama’s so old, her social security number is one.

Yo mama’s armpits are so hairy, it looks like she’s got Buckwheat in a headlock.

Yo mama’s so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

Yo mama so dumb, she plays pool in her bathing suit.

Yo mama so bad at directions, when she saw the “Disneyland left” sign, she went home.

I found a neat list of Yo Mama Jokes recently … some of them are more than laggy but sure an amusement to read through.

Yo mama’s so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Yo mama’s so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.

Yo mama so scatterbrained, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo mama so ridiculous, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

Yo mama so literal, she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said “concentrate.”

Yo mama so silly, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

Yo mama house so dirty, she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

Yo mama so scary, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.

Yo mama so tall, she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

Yo mama so silly, I saw her in a tree talking about how she was the branch manager.

Yo mama so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo mama so old, her birth certificate says expired on it.

Yo mama so dumb, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Yo mama so silly, she thought Dunkin’ Donuts was a basketball team.

Yo mama so literal, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

Yo mama so short, she has to slam dunk her bus fare.

Yo mama so short, you can see her feet on her driver’s license.

Yo mama so mean, even Hello Kitty said goodbye.

Yo mama’s so food obsessed, she created a Gmail account just so she could get the spam.

Yo mama so clumsy, she tripped over a wireless network.

Yo mama’s so loud, she speaks in surround sound.

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, “Sorry, no professionals.”

Yo momma’s so fat, that when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

Yo momma is so stupid she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!

Yo mamma is so ugly, she scared the shit out of the toilet.

Yo momma is so stupid when your dad sad it was chilly outside, she ran out the door with a spoon!

Yo momma is so fat when she stepped on the scale it read, “Get the hell off me!”

Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on the back of the bus it did a wheelie.

Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Yo momma’s so fat she can’t even jump to a conclusion.

What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?
Nothing. It just lets out a little wine!

My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

“Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous.
Nice to see so many new faces here today!”

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.

I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor guy.

What do you do with chemists when they die?
Barium!

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.

A mother asks her son, “Paul, would you say I’m pretty or ugly?”
– “A bit of both, actually,” replies the teenager.
– “How do you mean that?” asks the mother.
– “I’d say you’re pretty ugly.”

.. spent half an hour trying to take off my girlfriend’s bra.
I gave up at the end.
I wish I never tried it on in the first place.

Police officer to a driver: “OK, driver’s license, vehicle license, first aid kit and warning triangle.”

Driver: “Nah, I’ve already got all that. But how much for that funny Captain’s cap?“

Today, I found a mosquito, I sat right next to it and kept on buzzing so he would see what it’s like, not being able to sleep!

To be stung by a mosquito is surely not very pleasant nor spectacular. But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.