Tag: joke

My grief counselor died the other day.
He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.

A communist joke isn’t funny unless everyone gets it ..

Why do you smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.
Do not read it.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey – do you ?

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

I visited my friend at his new house.
He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out.
I hate having visitors.

What should you call an average potato?
A commen-tator!

I asked a Frenchman if he played video games.
He said Wii!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter!

What do you call a magician dog?
A labracadabrador.

Somebody stole all my lamps …
and I couldn’t be more de-lighted!

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down!

What do you call a dog with no legs?
You can call him whatever you want, he’s still not coming.

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
.. “Oops!”