Tag: joke

A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”

“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.” – “Oh is she an alcoholic?” – “No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”

A guy asks a woman, “Would you sleep with me for $100?“ – “Of course not!” replies the lady.
“Pity,” sighs the guy, “I could really use the money.”

Dentist: “You need a crown.” – Patient: “Finally someone who understands me”

Waiter, there’s a fly twitching in my soup!” – “And what do you expect for the price – a ballet?!”

My wife divorced me recently because I’m a compulsive gambler.
All I can think about now is how to win her back.

Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk? – Oh Harry, that would be lovely! –
Wonderful. Could you bring me some beer and cigarettes on your way back?

Many people are shocked when they found out how bad I actually am at this electrician thing.

Did anyone notice that the “&” symbol looks like a dog dragging his butt across the floor?

Two men talking on a bus: “I’ve been riding this bus to work for 15 years now.”
– “Lord Almighty, where did you get on?!”

What is grey and can’t fly?
A fat pigeon

Doctor: You’re obese.
Patient: For that I definitely want a second opinion.
Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.

Policeman: ” I’m very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus. ”
Man: ” I’m aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality. ”

I had a dream where an evil queen forced me to eat a gigantic marshmallow.
When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home.
I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic,
but they refused and slammed the door on my face.
.. My parents are the worst.