Tag: joke

At an interview: “So you’d be starting off at 20 000, but later on it can go up to 40 000.” “Excellent, I’ll start later on.”

Husband: Wow, honey, you look really different today. Did you do something to your hair? – Wife: Michael, I’m over here!

Years ago, I threw away a boomerang really hard. I’ve live in constant fear since..

Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far! – Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!

I’d like to have kids one day.
I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained.
“We don’t even tell them they’re going to die ..”

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.
He kept leaving little messages around the house.

A husband and a wife are having dinner at a nice restaurant. The woman drops some tomato sauce on her white top. “Oh no, I look like a pig!” The man nods, “Also, you dropped some tomato sauce on your shirt!”

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it?
An envelope!

Boy comes up to his father, all angry, “Dad, you remember how you told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks? How you said it would impress the girls?”
Father looks up, smiling, “Yeah, did it work?”
The boy screams, “You could have mentioned that the potato goes in the front!”

Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush .. Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf.
“Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?” –

“Go away! I’m crapping!”

My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die.
“Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.

“Waiter, the steak is smelling very strongly of liquor!” – The waiter backs up 3 steps and asks, “How’s that now?”

“Siri, why am I still single?!” – Siri activates front camera ..

What is invisible and smells of worms? – A bird’s fart.