Category: Funny

I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over …

What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
“Graaaaaaaains!”

Why are there gates around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in …

How do you feel when there’s no coffee? 
Depresso.

A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti and says: “Damn, that was one hell of a gang bang!”

Three fish are in a tank.
One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”

What did the buffalo say when his son left?
Bison!

I hate Russian dolls.
They’re so full of themselves.

How is life like toilet paper?
You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation.
– Never again.

Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?
‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!

What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield?
Its butt.

Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes?
Probably not, they haven’t had a gig yet.