Author: admin

A husband and a wife are having dinner at a nice restaurant. The woman drops some tomato sauce on her white top. “Oh no, I look like a pig!” The man nods, “Also, you dropped some tomato sauce on your shirt!”

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it?
An envelope!

Boy comes up to his father, all angry, “Dad, you remember how you told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks? How you said it would impress the girls?”
Father looks up, smiling, “Yeah, did it work?”
The boy screams, “You could have mentioned that the potato goes in the front!”

Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush .. Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf.
“Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?” –

“Go away! I’m crapping!”

My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die.
“Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.

“Waiter, the steak is smelling very strongly of liquor!” – The waiter backs up 3 steps and asks, “How’s that now?”

“Siri, why am I still single?!” – Siri activates front camera ..

What is invisible and smells of worms? – A bird’s fart.

My grief counselor died the other day.
He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.

A communist joke isn’t funny unless everyone gets it ..

Why do you smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.
Do not read it.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey – do you ?

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.